once upon a time

Charlotte just couldn’t get the words out in public anymore.

But really I had planned to write about Astrid. On the 28th of December. Tonight I deleted passages of meaningless text. And bought myself a new domain.

But for now the most pressing writing task is to write a meditation upon Astrid. Something I knew would be hard. Something I’d planned to write; something I’ve thought about a lot. Something I know I need to write – if for nothing else this space is to keep a family record and the minimum amount of work is to at least write a birthday report and remember to do the blurb books each year.

So what am I going to say about Astrid this year. This last year.

Well, that’s going to involve writing about myself and that’s precisely what I’m avoiding in this space. A very deliberate avoidance of writing about self. Hence the deleted passages. The deletion of words about me. But without me the Astrid story. Well. The Astrid story of last year. Without me the story doesn’t exist.

I am so hesitant to say anything because of work. And because my blog is on my CV. And I really ought not to have put it there because it’s only now, well, this year, that I’ve realised how separate I like to keep work and family. Having worked for myself for so long and not realising the ramifications of the possibility of people from work knowing anything about my life. And the fact I really don’t want people from work (at least my current work) knowing anything about me. Or possible future employers knowing anything too personal about me.

Where does one draw the line between I am Who I Am, and anonymity and being a minimalist and a person who doesn’t think or say anything and express who I am, or do I simply take that risk and write about myself honestly and believe that the parts that make up the deepest me are in fact the really good bits which do make me really good. But who do I want to know that?

You see if I found some incredibly personal writing by a possible future employee it would definitely shape my opinion. Of course it would. And whatever I say now even if I delete it there’s still a record of it now and forever.

So much for the Astrid post.
But this year’s Astrid post is so much more than cute children and fun and games.

And therefore I might just have to write it offline and think about it all a little bit more.